The Path of Self-Realization

So what now? Writing a blog is not my dream. If that was the case, I'm very far from how I would want it to be. I have no preconceived illusions about my writing ability as I can tell I have quite a few ways to go before I can effectively paint pictures with my words. It is rather a way for me to keep track of my progress and an insurance of sorts, to stay on the right path.

In my opinion, the easiest promises to break, are to one's own self. So I broke tons of them one after the other with less and less disappointment. And although at first, my self expectations were extremely high, with time I gradually lowered the bar. I failed upwards. I progressed and climbed the social ladder to an acceptable level and stopped there. With odd moments of glory during boardroom meetings or any other opportunities I had to compare myself to others. Meetings I saw, as occasions to showcase my oratory skills. As one thing I could very well start, and finish unequivocally, is an argument. With time, I realized just how unimportant those meetings were and by definition so were the arguments I started. They did not bring me anywhere, did not add extra 0's at the end of my paychecks and most importantly my contribution was disruptive to other people's well being.

In the meantime, I woke up every morning, knowing I was meant to accomplish something great. Not just succeed on a professional level but actually leave my mark on the world. And so I searched for the magic formula, the pandora box filled with mythical knowledge required to accomplish what I desired. I read tons of self help material, watched motivational videos, did one personality test after the other and studied behavioural psychology. Every single one of those activities, brought me a step closer to greatness, although something was missing. That elusive something was the biggest piece of the puzzle and despite my best efforts I just could not find it. And so I did what most people do when they are not able to find what they are looking for. I gave up.

A few years passed me by, I toyed with the same ideas over and over again and on occasion put my working hat on but dealt with the same results as before. Until one day I woke up and realized exactly what was missing. It was not knowledge, ambition, preparation, courage or common sense. The missing piece which eluded me for years was nowhere near as complex as I had thought. In fact it was eloquent in its simplicity yet evasive enough to disappear EVERY time I came close to it. The only thing I was missing was to "just do it".

This is what prompted me to write this, what brought me to develop an action plan and finally start working on my plan rather than someone else's. It is time to put that plan in motion and jump off a cliff not knowing how deep the water is. It also brought me to want to share my experience in the realm of failure with anyone who might be going through the same thing. At the time of the post I am still exactly at the same level of accomplishment as before. I am yet to take the final step towards my new journey. But what I am missing in my not so complex recipe for success, is just a little bit of money and money, is a lot easier to come by than the will, courage and knowledge, to do what needs to be done.

Long Overdue

Well, here goes nothing!

This is my, long time overdue, first blog post. When I first logged in to my blogger account, I realized just how long it was. I created this page way back in July 2008. Why? Who knows? Maybe I felt opinionated enough to share my views with the rest of the world, or maybe I just had nothing better to do with my time. Even now, I don't have the answer to that question. A better question would be, why I did not do this before. The answer to that question, I know perfectly well. Just like with every single one of my daily undertakings, I have a hard time finishing what I start. Hell, with all the ideas I've had since I was an arrogant teenager who thought he knew everything, I could've probably been a millionaire if only 1 percent of them were executed. Yet I never started and if ever I did, I abandoned at the first sight of difficulty.

So, why today? Why did I choose today to finally do something I desired to do for such a long time? Something clicked in my head. Just like everybody else, thirteen, fourteen years ago, when I was a teenager, I had big dreams and tons of ambition. I knew I was smart enough to do something great, something wonderful, something I would be able to tell my kids about without boring them out of their minds and in turn they would be able to look up to me and be as proud of me as I am of them.

But just like so many of us, I fell into a routine where getting a regular paycheck every 2 weeks, with good benefits, allowed me to enjoy, to an extent, some of the things I desired to obtain. I realized just how good I was when I joined the ranks of a big corporation and figured I would step up the ladder and reach my ultimate goal. After all, if I am really that smart, I figured, I would attain success by climbing the corporate ladder and in no time become the person I wanted to be.

Yet with years of work living practically paycheck to paycheck, with no money management skills whatsoever, with most of my purchases made on credit and most of all no sense of accomplishment regardless of what I had achieved (I did become a manager after all and won quite a few corporate awards in the process) I finally realized I was looking for a way out, not up.

So back to today. Throughout the years, I have met some wonderful people from all paths of life with different views, goals, ambitions and personalities. One of them, a person I like to see as a friend although I do not see much of him ever since we parted ways professionally, yet a person who I make it a point to talk to on Facebook and would definitely not mind having a few drinks with every week if we lived closer by, is a photographer. Although he worked, same as me, his 40 hours a week, he never lost sight of his goal to become a photographer. Not a part time photographer, who does an odd job on the week end, but actually running his own business and living off the fruits of his honest labor. Same as me, he is also someone I consider to have exceptional intellect, who I can have an interesting conversation with ranging from politics, to cinema, to the hardships of every day life and who same as myself, has rent and a plethora of other invoices to pay. This, however, is where the similarities stop.

Contrary to me, my buddy, never lost sight of what he wanted to accomplish and refused to fall into the safety of intellectual prostitution for a national corporation. So today when we had yet another discussion of how we were both doing, I realized I was exactly where I was a year ago while he was at a point of diversifying his revenue through additional sources while at the same time doing what he loves on a daily basis. At the end of my conversation with him, I felt it was now time for a change. Time to change my state of mind, my environment, my bad habits but most of all, change my acceptance of mediocrity. And well, for once, to continue with something I initiated.

This blog is a step for me, not something as major as sending a man into space or walking on the moon, but an important one nonetheless. As for the first time in my life, I decided to bring something to fruition.